The Python Way

I’m not sure if I’m too old or if it’s because my fingers are too big for the keys on my cell phone, but I’m not much of a text messager. Imagine my shock when I called the high school student who watches my dogs while I’m away, and she asked me to text her later. There was just something that didn’t feel right about texting a high school senior. It felt as if Michael Jackson had called me and invited me to a sleepover at Neverland Ranch. There was something creepy about it.

Apparently, I’m not alone in my queasiness about texting. Sprint recently commissioned a survey that found:

20% of 50-64 year olds text (13% in 2006)
75% of their messages are to their kids

Of all people who text, 85% of 18-24 year olds send at least one message per day
Of all people who text, 41% of 50-64 yearl olds send at least one message per day

People younger than 30 are 4 times more likely to respond to a text message within a few minutes than to a voicemail

10% of people over 30 don’t text because they aren’t sure how to do it

In case you fall into the 10% category, here are some helpful texting shortcuts:

ASAP (as soon as possible)
B4 (before)
BC (because)
BRB (be right back)
BTW (by the way)
CU (see you)
GR8 (great)
HRU (how are you?)
IMHO (in my humble opinion)
L8R (later)
LOL (laugh out loud)
OMG (oh my God!)
PLZ (please)

In honor of my recent birthday, I will be publishing a list of 40 lessons I’ve learned by the age of forty. This will be a three part series. The first two postings will contain forty lessons I’ve learned in my personal life and will be split into my “supervised” and “unsupervised” years. Based on initial feedback as I was drafting this list, I’ve decided to create a third post coming later this month that will contain forty additional lessons I’ve learned in my business life. Some of you may recognize some of these lessons. Enjoy!

The Supervised Years

If your mother drops you out of your stroller on to the curb, it’s going to have an impact.

If your grandfather flips a raw piece of meat to you while he’s cooking, don’t eat it.

If your great-aunt has some facial hair, don’t tell her she reminds you of a billy goat.

If you see a guy with a paper bag over his head, don’t talk to him. He’s going to rob the Corner Store.

If one of the neighbor kids tells his mother he found the pumpkin he brought home “growing out of the Shapiro’s house,” he’s going to struggle some day in Biology class assuming he’s not in jail first.

If the local bully throws you against a tree because you didn’t catch the Wiffle® ball, catch it next time.

If the local bully’s younger brother threatens you, punch him and your father will give you a dollar. It’s a great lesson in capitalism — 5 fights = 20 packs of baseball cards.

If your parents leave you by yourself in Tijuana, they might be trying to send you a message.

If your friend’s father tells his son in his recently-arrived-in-America, strong Italian accent, “I breaka you face,” don’t laugh. If he’s that mad, he’s willing to “breaka” your face too.

If the medical technician performing the eye test at nursery school asks you to look into a machine and tell her when “the apple falls off the table,” don’t tell her to look in the machine herself if she wants to know. She’s just going to call your mother and she’ll make you answer the question.

If you hold a knife over a flaming candle and put the knife on your friend’s arm, it’s going to leave a mark.

If your friend brings a rope on a camping trip, don’t mock him. You’re going to need the rope to cross a raging river after six hours hiking through torrential rains on unmarked mountain trails.

Our mothers always taught us to wear clean underwear in case we’re in an accident. Wear clean underwear even if you’re not planning on being in an accident.

Don’t take a bone out of dog’s mouth. This also applies to an ear of corn. Some lessons take more than once to learn.

Always keep a defibrillator in the bathroom in case your father jumps out from hiding behind the shower curtain like Clouseau attacking Cato.

If your elderly grandfather offers to show you a wrestling move, don’t accept if he spent his younger days carrying 100 pound bags of chemicals.

If you have a choice between being on the cross-country ski team or the basketball team, choose basketball. It’s warmer and there are cheerleaders.

Ross Perot once talked about a “giant sucking sound.”

Maybe Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal should refer to the sound of a “raging river,” because his chances of being our next President just went rushing downstream and out of sight quicker than water breaching a New Orleans levee.

Note to prospective Presidential candidates:

When you walk to the podium like Pee Wee Herman and start your speech sounding like the guy from the pit crew in Talledaga Nights, your chances are over.

In honor of Bobby Jindal’s performance, all politicians mentioned in future postings will be ranked on a scale of 1 to 5 Stockdales (1 representing a politican who may have a fighting chance to be a good candidate to 5 representing a politician who should be assisted in finding another line of work).

In an effort to rehabilitate his image, former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has endowed a teaching position at his alma mater, Virginia Tech. The Michael and Marcus Vick Chair of Dog Fighting & Entrepreneurship will allow students to learn how to start and operate an effective business in the industry. While this chair may seem like a controversial move for the school, reliable sources state that Virginia Tech would rather see their students get their aggression out by fighting and killing dogs rather than…er…killing each other.

Have you ever wondered what Six Sigma and Lean are? Have you ever had difficulty explaining these concepts to someone? Maybe this fictitious conversation will help.

Our eyes met across the room. As we moved closer, I scrambled for something brilliant to say. Luckily, she started the conversation.

“Hi,” she said. “My name is Jennifer Lopez. My friends call me J. Lo.”

I responded by telling her my name, although I had no nickname. I told her that in my line of work there aren’t any guys running around calling themselves “Snoop” or “Diddy.”

“Oh, and what line of work are you in?” she asked.

“I’m a practitioner of Six Sigma and Lean. In fact, I’m a Black Belt.”

Sometimes the “Black Belt” title gets her attention, but normally, she turns and walks away… and I wake up from my dream. Such is the life of a Six Sigma and Lean practitioner.

While Six Sigma and Lean are more popular today than ever, there are still millions of people who don’t have a clue. People often give me a “deer in the headlights” look or they associate Six Sigma with being in a cult and Lean with being on a diet. It’s easier to avoid the terminology and dive straight into an opening that is both catchy and true.

“I saved $1 million per year at a $10 million company.”

“I helped change the corporate culture so people all look at the business the same way, all speak a common language of continuous improvement, and all have a sense of urgency to make the business the best it can be.”

“I streamlined the process so we can afford to do it in the U.S. and don’t have to ship the equipment (and my desk) to China.”

Here are six things you should know about Six Sigma and Lean:

1. Six Sigma combines project management, statistical, quality, and financial concepts to drive variation out of processes.

2. A project typically follows the Define – Measure – Analyze – Improve – Control path. This is commonly referred to as DMAIC.

3. Lean utilizes tools such as 5S, value stream mapping, mistake-proofing, and quick changeovers to reduce waste in processes.

4. Six Sigma and Lean don’t just work for manufacturing processes – they work for any processes.

5. You can do Six Sigma alone, Lean alone, or combine the two. While there are some preferred ways to do things, the key is to get started and start making improvement a cornerstone of your corporate culture. Remember, even a much revered lean organization like Toyota didn’t make it happen over night and they haven’t stopped improving.

6. Six Sigma and Lean aren’t confined to the borders of the United States. People around the world are using them, so if you already face competition from overseas, it has the potential to get even uglier if you don’t start improving now.

I only hope that more people become aware of Six Sigma and Lean and join me as practitioners.

And on that day, my dream will come true.

I grew up on newspaper and TV journalism, and it wasn’t until I lived in Japan and didn’t have ready access to information that I realized how much our brains need a steady feed of facts. Unfortunately, in our age of 24-hour news, sound bites, and partisan journalism, the recent hulu.com advertisement featuring Alec Baldwin isn’t too far from the truth. Our brains are being turned to mush.

The Python Way hopes to be part of the solution. Python EFK is a management consulting firm specializing in Six Sigma, lean, and new product development training and support. We also offer project management, employee development, and sourcing solutions. In the course of our daily business, we run into all kinds of people from all over the world. The goal of the Python Way is to get you thinking about business, politics, and things that really matter in a way that you don’t always find in mainstream media. And did I mention that we want to have fun while we’re doing it?

Think of us as The Daily Show or The Onion for business people.